Telling Children About Separation

Couples in a rough relationship stick to it because of fear of what separation will do to the child. Couples sacrifice personal happiness considering the adverse impact their separation could have on the child.

However, some couples have moved on in separate ways because they feel that they just cannot be in the relationship, and have chalked out other ways to work around the child.

It may probably be a correct approach as couples cannot pretend to have a normal life, and they need not deprive themselves of a chance to find a better relationship. Also, the child may feel the alienation between parents. However, by separating and working around some important issues pertaining to the child, the child could be protected from a lot of conflict and hurt.

Do not hide your decisions from children; they sense it any way. Do not give them incorrect or false notions about your separation; explain to them politely what ‘separation’ will mean. Tell them that the relationship of the parent and child will continue but the parents may not continue to stay together.

Explain in a simple straight way that you and your partner cannot be in the relationship. Do not speak about your complaints or anger with the partner. Do not try to influence the child’s thinking to provoke anger or hatred against the partner.

Sort out a mutual arrangement with your partner for visiting or staying with the child. If your partner loves the child, is very sensitive and caring about the child, do not let your grievances come in the way of partner-child bonding.

Unless you feel that the partner can put the child in any danger do not obstruct the relationship between them. Allow them to meet freely, go for an overnight stay or picnic or any other event where the child and parent can be with each other.

Tell the child that the decision has nothing to do with the child him/herself. The child is not responsible in any way. Assure them that by separating you are not abandoning the child, and your love for the child is intact.