Role of children in managing conflicts between parents
April 6, 2010
The role of children in preventing or diffusing conflicts between their parents has always been underestimated or understated. Children have the huge potential of altering the way the relationship between their parents’ progresses.
Although there remains to be seen what are the areas where children can step in to manage warring parents, it is altogether not correct to rule out the role of mediation of children.
What are the benefits if children mediate conflict between their parents?
- The mediation takes a more weighted stance, as will not be the case if some outsiders were doing it. Here interference will not be seen as interference, rather it will be seen as constructive interference. Most often than not two married people do not allow others to intercede into their personal affairs.
- Children can form an emotional bridge between parents. Parents often view children as emotional assets. They will start measuring the depth of their relationship on the basis of how their children shape up.
- As discussed above about children being emotional assets….as parents become older, their want to be wanted by their children grows. They often want to immerse into the activities of their children, or start living vicariously through their children. It is like seeking a balance of the different phases of life.
- Children not only have the power to mediate, they also have the liberty to counsel. Either parent often takes it lightly, as children are one of the most affected stakeholders in this relationship.
What children can do to manage a conflict between their parents?
- If you are the child of conflicting parents, then you need to talk to your parents on a one-to-one basis initially. Ask them what are the pain points that are affecting the relationship. Ask them to be frank and forthright.
- After talking to them on an individual basis, get back to them again, and tell them the problems faced by the other parent. This will give them an idea, or in other words open their eyes to some inexplicable realities.
- You can also ease out the situation by bringing them to talk to each other while you oversee the proceedings. Talking to each other means constructive discussion on how to restructure the relationship. It is not playing blame games.
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