Reducing Parent-Child Conflict

Conflicts between parents and children crop up on variety of occasions.  While parents can be the best friends of children, they can also be a figure of threat or fear among children. 

To have an easy and fight free relationship with your teenager child, there is a need for understanding the circumstance and situation in which children grow up these days, the external pressures they face, range of choices available, exposure to various lifestyles and so on.

As parents, you may need to have an open mind towards developments in the society, so that the friction between you and your children can be reduced.  The fights may occur due to difference of opinion, unreasonable expectations, fear of losing control, fear that the child may fall into wrong habits and so on.

To avoid conflicts, have an open and friendly attitude towards children.  Allow children to freely express their thoughts and ideas.  A restrictive and strict atmosphere may cause children to get rebellious and aggressive.

Do not have an irrational bias or prejudice towards their choices, lifestyle, interests etc.  Lay down some basic principles and non-negotiable aspects (for example, time restriction for coming back home, limiting the pocket allowance upto a certain amount, no layover at friend’s place etc).

Other than these restrictions, allow children to explore their lives.

Give them time and space to be on their own.  Certain level of privacy may be given.  Do not pry for information or whereabouts, do not poke through their diaries or books, do not snoop around the room to overhear conversations or keep track of them.

Criticizing children before others can cause resentment, anger and hatred towards you.  Whatever your complaints or disappointment with the child, share it only with them in a private space.  Do not chastise them before others and show them in poor light.

Using abusive words, beating them up, isolating them, suppressing their thoughts etc will make the conflict worse.  A better approach could be to talk about it in a polite and non-threatening way.