Making Arranged Marriages Work

First let’s start of by defining an arranged marriage…

Arranged marriage is a marriage that has been arranged by matchmakers. Here the partners who are going to get married might have never met each other or known to each other. Most times the partners are actually total strangers to each other. They are brought together by matchmakers, on criteria specified by the family and relatives of both the partners.

The matchmakers may be professional matchmakers, relatives known to both the parties who are getting married etc.

So what are its advantages?

The benefits of arranged marriages are…

-         It is collective consensus, or in other words, a sum of all the parts. Both the families of the prospective partners come to an agreement.

-         Although it happens on a large scale in the Indian subcontinent, it does happen unofficially in the western world. Parents meet and decide to get their sons or daughters to meet up with the others’!

-         There are no expectations in the marriage. It is all new and exciting. There exists no case for comparison…like before marriage you were like this and after marriage you are like this situation.

-         It is built on a foundation of an agreement of trust, that spans not only the partners, but also their relatives, parents, friends, and well-wishers. This helps save the marriage on most occasions, because all these people step in to save the marriage. It can also prove beneficial if there is a situation when either one becomes a widow or widower. Here, the support system kicks in.

What can ail arranged marriages?

-         Lack of knowledge about each other’s preferences, character, likes, dislikes etc.

-         Matchmaking based on things like astrology, caste, religion, income, family status etc. This can make the relationship superficial, and really look like an ‘arrangement’.

-         It is not for people who like planning things according to convenience. In arranged marriages, a general societal norm is followed…like having children, materialistic possessions, doing basic social obligations etc.

How can arranged marriages be made to work better?

-         More time has to be given to get to know each other. There should also be the provision to drop the plan if there is no compatibility.