How to Help a Grieving Friend

It may break your heart to see your dearest friend grieving over the loss of a near and dear relative, parents, a family member, a child or the spouse. You may feel like going all out the way and extending your warmth and support to the friend in such an hour of emotional crisis and turmoil. Yet the process of helping the friend needs to be handled with remarkable patience, maturity and sensitivity.

Do not make the friend break down if he/she is not. Words and spoken assurances and soothing words are not required. Rely on the level of emotional and spiritual connection you have with each other. Your body language, your hand holding, eye contact will convey much more meaning than words.

Rely on the power of the unspoken. You do not need to tell your friend that you are sorry about the loss. The friend knows this as well as you do. Do not say ‘I am sorry this happened’, ‘my condolences are with you’, ‘I am with you’ etc. The power of not saying these words but knowing these things heart of heart is much more.

Do not be clichéd. Saying that ‘things will be alright’, ‘this is a testing time and will pass away’, ‘this is god’s will, we cannot help it’, ‘you will get through this’ are soothing words to say but it does not mean a thing or does not ally the hurt of a person who has lost someone. It does nothing to inspire confidence and courage. It may rather provoke a feeling of helplessness and hopelessness, deprivation, bitterness, injustice and unfairness in the person.

Do not try to take over responsibilities, overreact to things or make it your aim to set things right for the friend. Taking decisions is absolutely the prerogative of the friend and you can only act as a support system.

Let him/her cry and shed tears. Let them grieve adequately. Do not show your discomfort when they are grieving. Never stop a grieving person.