How to bond with stepchildren

Making stepchildren as your own children is never easy. And getting them to accept you as their parent is even tougher. If you have married somebody who already has children, then you will be faced with this problem. If you know your spouse’s children much before the marriage, then this makes it easier.

What are the problems faced by a stepparent and stepchild?

- The stepparent may not have the same emotional attachment towards the stepchild and vice versa.

- The stepchild will see the stepparent as an emotional enemy or an emotional interference. If the stepchild has lived with his/her biological parent, then your stepping in might be seen as a threatening move to disturb the child’s emotional territory. This is because the stepchild might be emotionally attached to his/her biological parent.

- A biological parent will understand the idiosyncrasies of his/her child, and still love the child unconditionally. This might not be the same case between a stepchild and a stepparent. The stepparent might not come to terms with the stepchild’s behavior, and might not tolerate it. So here arises a problem of a parent becoming a real parent. A parent will just parent, but a real parent will understand all the flaws and inhibitions of the child, and still continue to parent with love.

-  A stepparent will on most occasions be not accepted by the stepchild for a very strong reason – inability to tolerate the parent loving the stepparent. If the stepchild’s mother has married another man, then the stepchild will not tolerate his/her mother loving another man other than the biological father. If the stepchild’s father has married another woman, then the stepchild will not tolerate his/her father loving another woman other than the biological mother.

How to bond with a stepchild

If you are a stepparent trying to bond with a stepchild, then you can try these pointers.

- Communicate, communicate, and communicate. Don’t let a moment pass without any communication with your stepchild. Talking more will get your stepchild to be more comfortable with you.

- Don’t act as a replacement. Don’t be one. Just be who you are. Be your stepchild’s friend initially. Don’t try to immediately don the garb of a parent to your stepchild.

- Try to understand your stepchild. Don’t waste time or lose time in mending, monitoring the stepchild. The more you understand, the more you will be understood.