Helping Children to Make Choices

Parents and children can clash over several choices each other want to make. Once children develop the ability to think for themselves, they may question the choice of parents, oppose it, rebel and assert for what they feel is the best choice for them.

Parents may feel contrary to that, may feel that the child is not able enough to make choices, parents may fear losing control over the child, may feel insecure about the attitude and assertiveness of the child. All these dynamics can create clash and conflict.

It is better if decision making or choosing becomes a participative process rather than a top down approach where parents tell children what to do. The decision can be about choosing a career, their choice of lifestyle, friends, behavior, habits etc. Children can be controlled only upto a certain age, and after that they can only be guided and adviced and the decision making power lies with them.

It may be that you are not in favor of the choice the child has made. You can very well express your doubts and reservations to the child, try to show him/her the flip side, the risks involved in the activity, the implications and consequences and other things that children may not have thought about. With your experience, maturity and knowledge of the world you can alert and advice children and make them introspect if they still want to do it. Your intention in alerting them must not be to dissuade them or create fear.

Another thing you can do for helping children is to guide them in the direction they want to be guided in. It means the child has made a choice and is relying on you to assist and build his/her confidence about the decision made. So the child will better appreciate if you accept their line of thought and guide them in that and help them in implementing what has only been decided.