Coping with Failure in Relationship

Failure in relationship can cause a lot of heartache, emotional trauma, distress and lead to doubts about one’s ability to be in a relationship. Failure of a loving relationship can lead to self doubt, insecurity, fear that he/she is not meant to be in a relationship, will not enjoy a loving and warm relationship in future and so on.

There can be feelings of guilt at not being able to handle the relationship well. There could be shame, hurt, embarrassment, anger or feeling of being exploited or used by the partner. These feelings can lead to depression, and if not resolved adequately can hamper developing new relationships in future.

For some of us venting is the best way to overcome the hurt.  Some people may withdraw into themselves for some days and want to just be left alone and undisturbed.  Both these opposite behaviors can be coping strategies.

Acceptance and realization that the relationship has come to end takes time.  There may be many questions like why did the relationship end, who’s fault was it, what could have been done differently, is there a scope of reconciliation or patch up and so on.

For this, the person needs to spend time with himself/herself and go into a bit of self-introspection.  You may have to seriously ask yourself if you felt respected, loved, comforted, valued, cherished in the relationship, or was it more like a restriction, burden, causing tension, confusion, anguish and turmoil within you.

If the relationship has more negative attributes attached to it, it may be well that the relationship came to an end.  There may have been very good moments in the relationship; however, do not try to recreate those moments and force yourself to get into the relationship again.

Do not blame yourself entirely for what happened.  Nevertheless, try to analyze what you could have differently.  Also assess if your partner was sensitive and capable enough to handle you and love you for the way you are.  If not, the end of relationship gives you the opportunity to find a better companion.